Fourteen Days
by orange-sunshiine
Summary: Hatter irritates a witch doctor and has to go through an accelerated pregnancy. Mpreg (obviously).
1. Chapter 1 - Pissing Off The Witch Doctor

A/N: This is what happens when one is bored on a 16 hour flight. I noticed that there is really no Hatter mpreg, so I wrote one. For simplicity's sake, let's pretend that time runs in Underland like it runs here.

Ch. 1

"Tarrant, we should go try to find that witch doctor again."

Tarrant shook his head, automatically regretting it as he felt dizzy again. "Not a chance."

"But... something's wrong. Come on, you can just apologize, and maybe he'll reverse whatever spell he put on you," Alice suggested, thinking back to what'd happened.

The previous evening, they'd taken a stroll through Underland. They'd ended up in the forest, following a moonlit path deeper and deeper into the woods. It was all very romantic, really, the way the beams of moonlight hit upon the plants. The air itself smelled sweet.

Then they'd seen something in the distance. It looked like a purple blaze, with light blue smoke coming off of it.

"What's going on there?" Alice asked. She'd never seen a purple fire, or sky blue smoke before.

"I'm not sure," Tarrant said, honestly, "But we ought to find out."

Tarrant started to walk forward, but Alice grabbed his wrist. "Are you sure? Perhaps we best leave it alone."

"The fire could burn down the forest, Alice! Even here we're not immune to such problems!"

Alice sighed. "Alright, then. Maybe if it's small enough we can put it out."

00

It only took a few minutes for the couple to arrive at the clearing. It wasn't a small fire that they found, though. Instead, they'd come upon several people, all wearing strange masks and not much else, dancing around the purple fire. They were chanting, singing and shaking very enthusiastically. Neither Tarrant nor Alice recognized the language they were speaking, and they watched in awe as one of the people – apparently, the leader of the group – ascended a small platform and caused the movement to stop. Everyone cast their attention towards him.

The man, who was wearing a huge, scary looking mask with four eyes and two mouths, began to speak in his language. Then, suddenly, he stopped.

"We have intruders," he said, glaring at Alice and Tarrant.

Everyone turned to face them.

"We're sorry!" Alice quickly started, "We just saw a fire and thought that maybe something was wrong. We'll be leaving now, right?!" she took Tarrant's hand.

Of course, things just couldn't end there. Instead of following along with Alice, Tarrant stepped forward, getting closer to the man in the mask.

"What type of mask is that? Looks like it's made of straw perhaps? Straw and wood."

The man took a deep breath, but allowed Tarrant to continue.

"It's cheaply made, obviously," he said, getting closer and even touching the man's mask.

"Tarrant, let's go. It looks fine. It's a beautiful mask, in fact," Alice said, trying to grab him again.

Tarrant shrugged her off. "I'm not trying to be rude, dear, I'm just stating that it is a cheaply made mask. I'd be happy to work on a new one for you, if you'd like," he offered, "Besides making hats I've dabbled in mask production."

The man in the mask nodded. "You are quite forward. Do you not know the power of keeping one's mouth shut?"

With that, the man removed his mask, revealing his painted face. He had a shaved head, and a large, gold nose ring pierced through his septum. It had two small skulls carved onto each end.

Tarrant didn't seem to take the hint, though.

"I could also work on some costumes for you, you know. Maybe a hat, too."

The man rolled his eyes, then reached out and pushed Tarrant's lips together, forcing his mouth shut. "Quiet, now. You are very annoying." He turned back to his group of followers, "What should we do with someone so frustrating?"

He looked around at everyone, waiting for an answer.

"Gravidanza?" someone asked.

Everyone else began laughing at the suggestion.

"Really?" the lead witch doctor asked, "That's the best you all could come up with? Well... I suppose, it would make him rather uncomfortable... Alright, then."

The man shoved Tarrant away, pushing him closer to the fire. Before Tarrant could even try to run off, the man grabbed Tarrant's arm, closed his eyes, and said a few words in a different language.

As he spoke, a few purple sparks came out of the fire, swirled around Tarrant, and seemingly hit him in the stomach. He flinched as he saw them come at him, but surprisingly felt nothing.

As quickly as the ceremony had started, it'd then stopped. The witch doctor let go of his arm.

"You may go, now."

Fast as she could, Alice raced over and grabbed Tarrant's hand, dragging him away. As they walked off, they could hear the group once again laughing.


	2. Chapter 2 - Getting Sick

Chapter 2

That'd occurred the night before. They'd gone home and slept normally, as if nothing had happened, but at dawn, Tarrant awoke feeling very ill. He'd only just made it to the washroom to throw up.

Alice had heard him, and had come to comfort him, rubbing his back and pulling his hair back while he vomited.

When he was finally done, she helped him rest against the bathtub, and got him some water. He was sweating profusely, and looked very sick.

"This has to be the work of the witch doctor."

Tarrant shook his head slightly, "No... no, I just had some bad tea, or something..." he suddenly paled again, and moved to throw up some more.

Alice sighed, and continued to rub his back.

The rest of the day had been much of the same, but as the afternoon came on, Tarrant began to feel dizzy as well.

He was still ignoring Alice's pleas to go back to the doctor, but he kept getting sick. Finally, she'd had enough.

"Tarrant, if you're not going to go back to the man who cast the spell, then we must find out exactly what is going on from somewhere else, and how to treat it."

Tarrant frowned, "I guess that makes sense."

They'd ended up going to see Absolem. They figured if anyone might have any idea what was going on, it might be him.

And, of course, the blue caterpillar was less than helpful. He laughed when he first heard of Tarrant's predicament, essentially telling him that he had deserved what he'd gotten. He'd then suggested that the couple speak to Mirana.

Happy to see her friends, Mirana immediately made time to talk to them, leading them to a room far down the hallway so that they could speak in private.

"So," Mirana began, watching as Alice shut the door. "What's happened? Hatter, why do you look so ill?"

Tarrant was sitting on an overstuffed chair, arms wrapped around his stomach. It was taking all of his effort not to vomit right then and there.

"He's been sick all day, and I think a witch doctor caused it!" Alice explained, taking a seat next to her husband. "He can't keep anything down at all and he's been having these dizzy spells, but we don't know what's wrong."

"Hmm. And what about this witch doctor? Where did you meet him?"

Alice described the events of the previous evening, telling her exactly where they met the group in the woods and what they looked like.

"That sounds like the Wahya clan. They inhabit the woods near the crystal caves. You mentioned that there was a purple fire?"

"Yes, a purple fire with light blue smoke. I've never seen it before."

"That's one of their trademarks, for lack of better words. They practice a nature based religion, but possess powerful magic. Poor Hatter must've really made them angry to have them cast a spell on him. Usually they are quite peaceful."

"They seemed annoyed."

Mirana nodded. "Do you recall what the spell was?"

Alice shook her head, "All I remember was the word 'gravidanza'."

Mirana's eyes got big. "Are... are you sure?" She stood, and began scurrying over to the book shelves that lined the room.

"Yes. Why? Is it bad?"

Mirana searched around for another second, then pulled a large, leather bound book out. She flipped it open.

"Well... it means 'pregnancy'. And if I'm right... yes, according to this, the spell lasts two weeks."

"I don't understand."

"Tarrant is going to go through all of the stages of pregnancy during the next two weeks, at the end of which he will give birth to a child. If he's throwing up, then he's started experiencing it already!"

"But... but he's a man! How can he give birth?! Isn't there a way to stop it?"

Mirana shook her head 'no'. "Regretfully, there's nothing that can be done. Once the spell is started, it cannot be stopped. He'll just have to go through it."

"But... how?!"

"His body will accommodate the baby. The main point of it is to make the person it's cast on as uncomfortable as possible, and to humiliate them. That in mind, Tarrant here can expect to experience all of the worst symptoms of pregnancy. Every day and a half will count as a month, equaling nine months in two weeks."

"Great."

The conversation was interrupted by Tarrant, who had begun to retch onto the carpet.


	3. Chapter 3 - Day 2

Chapter 3

Day two of the pregnancy was just as bad as day one had been, as far as 'morning sickness' went. The sickness actually seemed to last most of the day, and Tarrant could keep nothing down. Besides that, his chest was beginning to become very sensitive, so wearing most of his shirts was very uncomfortable.

He'd eventually settled on wearing a dark red silk shirt, just because it didn't hurt as much.

The dizziness had also gotten worse, so the hatter had spent the majority of the day lying down, when he wasn't busy throwing up.

"Ohh, Alice, I feel so terrible," he said, midway through the day.

Alice had been keeping him company, reading poems and stories to him to try to take his mind off of it, and taking care of him as best she could.

"I know, love. I know. It'll be over soon though. Just think, in another few days, the morning sickness will be gone."

Tarrant groaned, "But it hurts _now_."

Alice ran her fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face. He was very sweaty. "I know, honey. How about I get you some peppermint tea and we'll see if that helps? That always helped my cousin Margaret when she was pregnant."

"I don't know if I'll even be able to keep it down..."

"You can try. I'll bring some toast, too."

"Fine."

Alice returned with the items a few moments later, and helped Tarrant sit up. She propped him up against some pillows, and placed the tray she had on his lap.

"Let's start with the tea." Alice held the teacup to Tarrant's parched lips, and helped him drink. He took three sips before having to stop. Just feeling something go down his throat made him feel ill. He groaned, resting a hand on his stomach.

"Please make it stop," he begged.

Hearing her husband sound so pitiful hurt Alice's heart.

"I wish I could. Try some toast, maybe that'll help."

Tarrant reluctantly let Alice feed him a few bites of bread, but even that was too much.

"Done?" she asked.

Tarrant nodded. He looked like he was about to cry.

Alice leaned in, and placed a kiss on Tarrant's forehead.

"It'll be over soon, honey. I promise. Just twelve more days to go."


	4. Chapter 4 - Day 5

Chapter 4

By day 5 things had changed significantly for Tarrant. He wasn't as sick as he had been before, but he had other problems now.

For one thing, he constantly had to pee. At least ten, twelve times a day, he was rushing to the bathroom.

Another was that he'd started to show. The sudden growth made his skin hurt, and made him feel extremely self conscious. Even though the bump wasn't huge yet, he knew that in a few short days, it would be.

His chest was still sensitive. Besides all of that, Tarrant began having mood swings. Unfortunately for him, they usually ended in massive crying spells that were both humiliating and draining.

This evening, for instance, he'd watch the sun set, and it'd made him cry. Alice had found him mumbling something about the beauty of the nature around them and sniffling near the window.

The two had also started trying to plan out the future, considering that they would be parents in a few short days. They had an extra room that currently held all of Tarrant's extra hatting supplies, and that could be used as a nursery, but they still lacked many of the things they needed for a baby.

And, that was another problem. Neither Alice nor Tarrant had any idea how they were going to afford this child. Tarrant didn't make all that much money as a hatter, even if he did work for the White Queen. The thought of how they were going to handle it kept both of them up at night, worrying.


	5. Chapter 5 Day 8 - Cravings n Hot Flashes

Chapter 5

The hot flashes started on the evening of day eight. They'd come out of nowhere and nothing could help them for the most part. One minute Tarrant would be fine, the next he'd feel like it was a thousand degrees and would be red in the face and sweating.

Tarrant was also very obviously showing, now. His stomach stuck out like a small beach ball in front of him, and he could no longer see his toes. Large red stretch marks had developed along he sides of his belly, and none of his clothes fit anymore. It frustrated Tarrant tremendously to walk around with his pants unbuttoned. He'd never been overweight, ever, and even though he knew that he was pregnant and not fat, it still bothered him.

Nonetheless his appetite had picked up, as the nausea had stopped, and he'd started having the strangest cravings that Alice had ever heard of. Mushrooms with mustard and cherry juice on ice cream was one of his favorites, and for some reason Tarrant had developed a strong affinity towards lemon meringue pie. He seemed to be eating all the time. Even at night, sometimes he'd wake up solely to get something to eat.

Inevitably, this led to a cycle of Tarrant complaining about his weight and also having terrible heart burn. It was really getting trying for Alice to deal with it. She couldn't count how many times she'd seen him eating something, then randomly start crying about how fat it was making him, and how unattractive he must be, all while continuing to shovel the food into his mouth. All that Alice could do was shake her head and reassure him that he was still handsome, and not fat, and not disgusting. Then usually she'd give him some antacids to help the burning feeling in his chest. Then usually he'd cry some more before feeling tired and resting.


	6. Chapter 6 Day 9 - Angst

Chapter 6

On the ninth day, the couple went back to visit Mirana. She'd sent a letter requesting a visit from them, mainly to see how Tarrant was doing.

So, they walked to the castle, Tarrant complaining along the whole way about how swollen his feet were and how much it hurt to stand for long periods.

When they finally arrived, Tarrant was in a foul mood, snapping at anyone that looked at him funny. This included Absolem, who'd snickered to himself when he saw Tarrant's giant stomach.

"Are you sure it's not twins?" the caterpillar asked, taking a pull from his hookah, "It looks like there's more than one baby in there."

"Shut up," Tarrant scowled, "There's only one! I can feel it kicking and there's only one!"

Alice took his hand, trying to calm him. "Relax, Tarrant. You know how Absolem is."

She'd almost gotten him calm when Chess appeared, lying in the tree above. His first question was whether Tarrant had swallowed a balloon, which set the hatter off again.

Mirana came into her court yard to find him yelling at cursing at the cat and the insect, his words barely recognizable because of his thick brogue. Chess and Absolem seemed to be amused more than anything.

"Now, now, let's all calm down," she said, catching Tarrant's attention. He immediately stopped yelling, but still looked very angry.

"They were making comments," he said, trying to defend himself, before starting to cry again.

Mirana sighed. "It's alright, Tarrant. Calm down." she wrapped an arm around him. "And the rest of you, find something better to do!"

Chess rolled his eyes, but apparated away, while Absolem just smirked continued to smoke his hookah.

"Let's go inside, shall we?"

So Tarrant and Alice followed Mirana inside the castle. She took once again led them to a private room to chat.

"You look good, Tarrant," she said, once they were settled in. "Glowing, even."

"You don't need to lie," Tarrant spat, crossing his arms. He instantly recognized his error with this, and moved them away. His chest was still sore. "I'm fat and disgusting and freakish. I know it."

Alice sighed, feeling frustrated that they were straying into another one of Tarrant's 'pity-me' moments.

"You're none of that and you know it. ANYWAY," Mirana said, before Tarrant could reply, "Have you thought of a name?"

"Roslyn if it's a girl, and perhaps Jacob if it's a boy," Alice replied, "But we're not even sure if we're going to keep it. Perhaps it'd be better off with a set of parents who have more than we do. People who are better prepared."

Mirana shook her head, "If you need anything at all for the child, please know that I'll happily provide it. It's not every day our kingdom has such a miracle occur!"

"Miracle," Tarrant repeated, scowling, "You mean accident."

Alice glared at him, "Don't talk about out future child that way."

Knowing that he wasn't going to win this argument, Tarrant looked away.

"Have you seen a doctor at all?" Mirana asked, changing the subject slightly.

"No." Tarrant answered.

"Well you should. You'll need someone there when you give birth."

"Any decent doctor in Underland is just going to laugh at me," Tarrant said, frowning. "I don't know if I can stand that."

"I wouldn't laugh."

"You're not a doctor."

"But I have more than enough medical expertise to help you deliver the baby."

"True..." Tarrant replied, considering it. "Maybe you could help?"

"I'd be delighted to. According to my reading – I've done a lot of research, since I last saw you – You should be developing a birth canal through which you can have the child."

"I know," Tarrant grumbled, "It's there."

"Good, then that'll make things easy. Well, not easy, per say, but we won't have to cut you open."

"Wonderful."

Alice rested a hand on Tarrant's leg, "It'll be fine, love."

"You're not the one who has to push a watermelon through a golf hole," Tarrant snapped, "So don't tell me that it'll be fine."


	7. Chapter 7 Day 12

Chapter 7

Now that it was twelve days into the pregnancy, Tarrant barely wanted to move. His stomach was huge, and it made walking more than a few feet uncomfortable. He didn't have hot flashes anymore – he just felt hot in general, probably a side effect of being larger than usual. Stupid weight gain.

Instead, he tended to lay around, not doing much of anything really.

Mirana had provided them with everything they'd needed for the baby, and Alice was busy setting it up around the house. They had a white crib so far, along with a small bathtub and several sets of outfits, toys, and at least a month's worth of baby formula.

She was setting up a mobile that Mirana had sent when Tarrant called out to her.

"Alice!" he yelled, "Alice!"

Instantly, Alice dropped what she was doing and ran into the bedroom where her husband was. Was it time, already? He'd sounded so frantic.

"What's wrong, Tarrant? Is the baby coming?"

"My back hurts," he replied, giving her his biggest puppy dog eyes, "Can you give me a back rub?"

Alice slumped her shoulders. "Fine."

Her attitude seemed to make Tarrant upset, though. "Why are you being so nasty?" he asked, as she started to kneed his back.

"I'm just a bit tired is all."

"You're tired!", Tarrant replied, "You're not the one carrying nine pounds of baby in front of you all day!"

Alice took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. She was getting used to these type of outbursts now.

"I know, you've got a much harder job than me." Best just to placate him, she thought.

"I can't wait until it's out. It's been kicking me in the ribs all day."

"I'm sorry," she said, moving her hands down his back further. All of his muscles were tense, and she briefly wondered how this was possible considering that Tarrant did absolutely nothing all day. Maybe the pregnancy really was just that hard on him.

She rubbed his back for a few more minutes, before getting up. "I've got to continue setting everything up, love. Are you going to be alright here?"

Tarrant sighed loudly, "Fine, fine. Leave me here, _alone_, then."

Alice took another deep breath, trying to push her anger down once again. Just another two days. She couldn't wait for the baby to be out, either.


	8. Chapter 8 -Birth

Chapter 8

Tarrant's water broke at exactly twelve noon on the fourteenth day. He'd been lying down in bed when it'd happened. Then the contractions started.

Tarrant had called for Alice and Alice had in turn asked the rabbit to deliver a message to Mirana, who had shown up approximately an hour later. Tarrant's contractions were far apart, and Mirana had the feeling that his labor would be difficult. The spell had been designed to make the pregnancy as difficult as possible after all.

Every time a contraction hit, Tarrant would scream and curse and grip Alice's hand hard enough to nearly break her bones. He felt like he was being ripped in two.

"Make it stop," he begged, tears filling his eyes, "Please, please make it stop."

Alice felt terrible that she was unable to help her husband. He looked to be in agony.

"Isn't there anything you can give him?" she asked Mirana, "Anything at all?"

"Well...I suppose I could give him a numbing potion."

"YES!" Tarrant agreed, "Please."

Mirana nodded, "Alright, then. Alice, I'll need three clovers, some willow bark, fennel, sage, and salvia. Can you get those?"

"Yes, sure," Alice replied. Thankfully most of those plants listed were available right outside in the garden. Alice had a few in stock, too. "I'll be right back."

00

Ingredients now gathered, Alice returned to the bedroom. Tarrant was still groaning, digging his fingers into the sheets on the bed.

"I've got them," Alice announced. "How is he?"

"His contractions are still about a half hour apart. It'll be a bit of time before the baby is born. Now, let me tell you how to make that potion."

00

Alice had successfully created the potion within the hour, and it had helped Tarrant tremendously. He wasn't writhing in agony any longer. Still, the labor was long and bloody. It had taken much of Tarrant's strength to push the baby out.

Finally, at 12:01 am, it was done. The baby – a nine pound, six ounce boy – was delivered into the world. As he held his son in his arms, Tarrant felt happy for the first time in weeks.


End file.
